Monday, January 2, 2012

Living, Loving, and Scared as Hell...

Ok, fellow bloggers, I admit, I haven't posted in a long time. I have no excuses. So much has changed in my life since I first began this blog. I simply crawled deep within a cave and took up residence. For starters, I have been seperated for 3 months and I am learning to adjust to this new life. Thankfully, I have been surrounded by family and my closest friends. My children give me strength each day.
     What has been on my mind most lately, is the thought of having this blasted RA and, potentially, " being back on the market ." Is anyone out there going through this right now? I'm all ears right now and am ready to listen. Since my diagnosis, August, 2010, I have lived by this mantra; ' RA is what I have, not who I am." Lately, however, I have thought this to be utter BS! Maybe this has been my monster trying to take control.
Physically, I do not appear to have anything wrong. I am young (well, young-looking for my age), 41, active, I exercise regularly (when I feel up to the challenge), my kids keep me busy, as well as, being a working, traveling musician. I am a good-looking guy, and, although, I'm not looking right now, I get scared thinking one day soon I may actually be there. The thought of sharing my inner pain with someone else terrifies me. Not to mention the fact it has been years since I've been on the dating circuit., But, to have this chronic illness and be dating; geez. 
     Maybe I am freaking out too much too soon right now. Perhaps, I just need to relax and focus on me and making me better and stronger and enjoying the good things in my life. (It does still scare me)! I welcome any and all responses! Happy New Year to ALL of you! Namaste

1 comment:

  1. Hey! Saw your post on RA Journey's blog.
    And this is over a year old, but I want to tell you that YES I am dating with RA.
    It's basically a super fun experiment/project (I'm even blogging about it..Acquire a Gentleman 2012, go read if you want! haha)
    I want to encourage you with this:
    Of the roughly dozen and a half men I've been out with since starting this experiment this year, TWO have autoimmune diseases (one has RA, one has lupus).
    I'm pretty open about my RA, b/c I figure it could be a 'dealbreaker'. Don't put it on my profile, but if we actually go out in person, I inform them.
    WHat I'm learning: EVERYONE HAS THEIR CRAP. At our age, if you're single, then obv something is up with you. haha
    ((I really think it's not about finding a perfect person -- it's more a matter of deciding if you can handle a person's crap or not.))

    So take heart, if you are single and searching!!!!

    PLUS you have the distinct advantage of being the MAN with an illness. Women are nicer and will love taking care of you, I promise!!!
    ((Men tend to be the ones who are like, 'what? you kinda have ugly hands! nevermind!' even when they weigh 300 pounds or have questionable grooming habits or WHATEVER. It's hilarious to me!!!!)