Since my last post a week ago, I have been living life and dealing with weird fluctuations in pain. At the start of my week, the pain and inflammation in my knees from osteoarthritis was almost unbearable. Especially during the morning. I would wake up during the night, hurting, moving from side to side in search of a comfortable spot while wanting to cry. Yes, I am man enough to say, I truly felt like crying. I did not.
Because I was not about to let my monster (RA) have control over me. I would wake up, take my meds (my morning cocktail of methotrexate, prednisone and folic acid) and eat breakfast. I must admit, for the purpose of this article, I have not been too motivated to go for my usual walk. Shame on me, right? I have had trials and tribulations in life, yes, as we all have. Like most of you, I feel I am in my most fiercest fight of all. A fight, which intends on a daily basis, to remind me how great this battle will be and to remind me it is here
to stay. Maybe so, as I said, RA will not control me.
I have a life inwhich I intend to live. I have a wonderful family which supports and loves me.
Over the past two years, I have persevered through a myriad of health issues ranging from systemic joint pain/inflammation (hint,hint), anemia, weight loss of 40 pounds (December, 2008), being tested for cancer (results being negative), a plethora of blood tests, cultures, biopsies, CT Scans, etc. Being hospitalized for a staph infection from a bronchoscope (March, 2009) and leading up to a near death experience after a surgical procedure (video-assisted thoracotomy) inwhich I lost 2 liters of blood from a hemothorax. All of this leading up to my diagnosis of RA in August. I digress.
As the week progressed, my pain became an ache. I have been feeling better this weekend and the knee pain feels more like having a rock in my knees. I have noticed myself walking with a little less stiffness and soreness. Although, standing and sitting for long periods still hurts.
My attitude has improved greatly too. Earlier in the week, I felt a sense of loneliness, isolation and alot of anger. I caught myself asking "me", one question; " Why me?" Why not me?
So, my question to all of you is what motivates and inspires you? Me? Since 2008, I have had a spiritual reawakening. The foundation of my soul has been shaken. My faith, as a result, has grown favorably. Although, I had a deep, religious upbringing, questions which echoed in my mind throughout my life were answered.
Music inspires and motivates me. I find inspiration through reading and my own writing as well. The writings of Dr. Wayne Dyer have given me inspiration, enlightened myself to my true self and potential. Even through the face of adversity.
My ultimate source of motivation and inspiration, my family. My wife has been my rock throughout this ordeal. My children fill me with the strength and courage to face each day despite how I may feel and to live each day to the fullest. I bid you peace and good health.